He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We are all done wearing pants today
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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