you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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