My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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