I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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