Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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