i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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