well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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