dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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