i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
