it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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