if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Where is the hickey?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
