I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
