No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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