idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I came so hard my ears popped.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
