You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
