I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i out mim tonsoeep
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
