I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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