Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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