i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
