Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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