they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
