How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
