Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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