If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
