If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
