is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
