If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
