My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
