i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
