I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
