That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
