You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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