Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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