I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
