It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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