one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my shit smells like andre
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
