I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
