remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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