The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
