We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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