I hate your face
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
