I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Holy sore nipples Batman
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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