i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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