I heard we made out
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
