yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize