I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
