Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
