Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize