im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
