I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
