And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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