I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
