ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
