Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
