Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
