chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Someone came in the potted fern
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
why is half of my head shaved?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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