He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
