She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
