Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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