I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
