Me too!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
