i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
