I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
