My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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