Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
