i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
