A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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