He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
