He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
